I want to address the problem that is porn. Now I have read up on it a bit and have seen many different points of view. I want to give my own two cents. So many people use the phrase, "He is a guy and guy's watch porn." They give facts like guys are more stimulates by pictures as girls are more stimulated with imagination and emotion. The facts say that guys crave sex more than girls and that they need it. Well, I beg to differ. Porn, to me, is wrong when you are in a serious relationship.
Look I don't care if guys are guys. I don;t care if they crave sex more. I don't care if they are stimulated by images. The truth is, is that they are looking at another woman and pleasuring themselves to it. Guys are guys. Well girls are girls. I mean you don't think I don't have sexual urges? I don't go online and watch some guys dick and look at his body and hear his voice and think oh my gosh i am going to cum. No. My boyfriend E loves the latinas. He loves their big boobs, their "nice" ass, the sounds they make, how they talk dirty, how they give blowjobs and blah blah blah. He loves abella anderson and likes to look at Kate Upton. Well I don't look like that. I don't give two shits if he could never get a girl like that so he is just living through a fantasy. He has me and that's all that should matter. This addiction is killing me. I cannot get the though of him looking up girls and masturbating to them out of my head. It is driving me crazy.
Some girls may be okay with it, but that's your prerogative. If you like your guy thinking about some other girl then go ahead. But for all those girls who think that there is something wrong and indecent about a guy watching porn then im with you. I cannot get this out of my head and if I am being tortured by this stupid thing that's "harmless" then I must be delusional. I have tried everything, but it won't give. Porn is wrong and I hope one day he is sees that.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
My boyfriends addiction
I am a girlfriend, and well you can deduce the fact that I have a boyfriend. The problem here is porn. I don't mean to blatantly put it out there but the truth of the matter is that i just need to vent. My boyfriend watches porn and searches up naked beautiful celebrities. You must hear the full story.
I have been with my boyfriend, lets just call him E. I have been with E for nearly a year now and for most of our relationship I believed him to be a selfless guy who was solely and utterly into me. He showered me in compliments and I, being an avid reader and supporter of Jane Austen, believed him. I ignorantly believed his praises and for some reason saw a different me when I looked in the mirror. Pathetic, I know, but the sad and painful truth none the less. He used to be in a three year relationship with L, and she was a dancer. Enough said. Societies kind of beautiful, and I am far from that. So needless to say, I am not the most confident girl out there. I see my flaws, my weaknesses, and the insecurities creep up when I least expect them. Already having to compete with E's before mentioned L, I was in hot waters. It didn't get better.
Sometime in October I found out my E watches the big letter P and I was semi okay with it. I mean it was Porn and we were happy, but as the relationship progressed my issues with my body surfaced and I could not take Porn anymore. I asked him to stop and told him what it did to me and how I felt and how I would never ever look like the sexy Latinas he gets off on. So a month past and the incident occurred again and I threatened to leave him. I do not like to be lied to and he lied as if his life depended on it. Once the storm cooled I was able to look past the porn and told him that if it ever happened again I would leave him for sure. History repeated and I just let it go. I know I know I am a hard girlfriend to get by. I really stick to my guns. I mean I am in love, sue me.
One night I saw that he researched the lovely Kate Upton. P.s. I hate her. Anyway, on his google history there were a stream of latina loving porn sites and I sort of lost it. I cried and I cried. I broke down because I was weak. I felt ugly in a word. I wasn't happy, I had gained weight, I have no boobs, and a small and shapeless ass, my thighs make trees look like toothpicks, my skin is red and blotchy, my eyebrows are dark, my teeth are too big.... yeah I'm hot get over it. Well I am not that bad but my insecurities screamed otherwise. So i was honest with him and told him that he made me feel less beautiful, that I will never look like those girls in those videos and that killed me. I told him that I purged and that I just wanted to feel beautiful again.
Cry Cry Cry.
Whine Whine Whine
Kiss Kiss Kiss
He said sorry and promised to never do it again. Well three days later he did. It broke me down like... I don't know... like how something big breaks. It was just, I told him how it made me feel and he did it anyway. I was crushed. It was like he had no regard for my feelings or my livelihood for that matter. It was an eye opener that lead me down a road of mistrust, and eyes that constantly searched for girls better than me, and hands that typed in his google account to see his history. It led to me going crazy in short. He claimed he was addicted and that he needed help, but I wanted to be more than an addiction
I have been with my boyfriend, lets just call him E. I have been with E for nearly a year now and for most of our relationship I believed him to be a selfless guy who was solely and utterly into me. He showered me in compliments and I, being an avid reader and supporter of Jane Austen, believed him. I ignorantly believed his praises and for some reason saw a different me when I looked in the mirror. Pathetic, I know, but the sad and painful truth none the less. He used to be in a three year relationship with L, and she was a dancer. Enough said. Societies kind of beautiful, and I am far from that. So needless to say, I am not the most confident girl out there. I see my flaws, my weaknesses, and the insecurities creep up when I least expect them. Already having to compete with E's before mentioned L, I was in hot waters. It didn't get better.
Sometime in October I found out my E watches the big letter P and I was semi okay with it. I mean it was Porn and we were happy, but as the relationship progressed my issues with my body surfaced and I could not take Porn anymore. I asked him to stop and told him what it did to me and how I felt and how I would never ever look like the sexy Latinas he gets off on. So a month past and the incident occurred again and I threatened to leave him. I do not like to be lied to and he lied as if his life depended on it. Once the storm cooled I was able to look past the porn and told him that if it ever happened again I would leave him for sure. History repeated and I just let it go. I know I know I am a hard girlfriend to get by. I really stick to my guns. I mean I am in love, sue me.
One night I saw that he researched the lovely Kate Upton. P.s. I hate her. Anyway, on his google history there were a stream of latina loving porn sites and I sort of lost it. I cried and I cried. I broke down because I was weak. I felt ugly in a word. I wasn't happy, I had gained weight, I have no boobs, and a small and shapeless ass, my thighs make trees look like toothpicks, my skin is red and blotchy, my eyebrows are dark, my teeth are too big.... yeah I'm hot get over it. Well I am not that bad but my insecurities screamed otherwise. So i was honest with him and told him that he made me feel less beautiful, that I will never look like those girls in those videos and that killed me. I told him that I purged and that I just wanted to feel beautiful again.
Cry Cry Cry.
Whine Whine Whine
Kiss Kiss Kiss
He said sorry and promised to never do it again. Well three days later he did. It broke me down like... I don't know... like how something big breaks. It was just, I told him how it made me feel and he did it anyway. I was crushed. It was like he had no regard for my feelings or my livelihood for that matter. It was an eye opener that lead me down a road of mistrust, and eyes that constantly searched for girls better than me, and hands that typed in his google account to see his history. It led to me going crazy in short. He claimed he was addicted and that he needed help, but I wanted to be more than an addiction
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